Today started out as a fantastic day. I had the day off work, so Cookie and I slept in until 9:15. I scarfed down a banana and some yogurt and then we headed out for a walk. The sun was out, there was a little bit of a breeze, the baby ducks were out swimming on the pond... Things were good.
I didn't really have anything big to do today, so I figured it would just be a girls day for The Monster and I. I finished up a couple of Mother's Day gifts I was making, got showered, and then plopped down on the couch with my sweet little dog and my new Sophie Kinsella book that I picked up the other day at Target. And that's where I stayed until about 15 minutes ago when my phone rang.
Every time I see My Dr.'s phone number come up on my caller ID, the fear of God runs through me. Is it good news? Is it bad news? What is she going to tell me? I almost don't even want to answer the phone. At the same time, I know that if I don't, it just means that I'll have to call her office back and leave a message for her to return my call... It's a complete waste of time.
I knew the call was about to roll over to my voicemail, so I took a deep breath and answered... It was Dr. C. As soon as I heard her voice, I knew that this was not going to be what I wanted to hear. When the news is good, Dr. C's nurse will call me. When the news is less than pleasant, Dr. C calls me herself. I had a check-up with Dr. C this past week, along with routine blood work and MRI. I've been feeling pretty well, so I really wasn't expecting there to be much of a change. Well... Dr. C told me that my prolactin level has gone from 43.4 up to 137.2, and that my MRI showed that my tumor is once again beginning to grow.
Part of me is unbelievably ticked off. Over the past 4 years, I have done everything that my Dr.s have asked me to do... nasty medications, surgery, radiation... you name it and I've done it. Things seem to get better for a while and I actually start to feel like I have control over my body. Then it seems like this stupid tumor in my head has to remind me that it is in there, and that it is the one in charge (insert evil laugh here).
The other part of me just wants to laugh. Seriously... What else can I do? So I have a tumor in my head... Big deal! Maybe I should name it... Herman? Ralph?? Maybe it's a girl tumor. How does Beula sound? I know it's ridiculous... Really, I do. But, maybe it likes being in there. It's obvious that I have a nice brain... It seems to be quite content. It's kindof like I have this really annoying (stinky, dirty, ugly, fat) house guest that just WILL NOT GO AWAY!! Maybe my brain is just too nice of a home to pass up!
So anyways... There goes my fantastic day. Right out the flippin' window! Maybe tomorrow will be a better one.
8 comments:
Sister, I am so sorry! I can only imagine how you are feeling. Just know that I love you!!! If you need anything I'm here for you...also Braden sends a hug your way!
My sister and I were looking at some old pictures of the gymnastics recitals with Jaque Wynn and there you were, so when I got on Mandy's blog and saw your name..I thought I'ld take a peek. I usually don't do that, and I know it's been forever, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what you are going through, and I hope that dirty little house guest gives you a break!
Kasey, I am so sorry to hear that bad news. Remember that you ARE a strong person and can overcome this critter again. Keep faithful and things will work out. Tell Steve to take extra good care of you. We'll be praying for you. Love ya!
You are so amazing! You are such an example to me. With all you have been through and you can still find some humor in it and move on. You are one of the strongest people I know. You will be in my prayers. Love ya, Misty.
Man girl (that sounds like Man Cub from Jungle Book!) MAN!! Girl, I am sorry to hear about that blasted tumor deciding to have a growth spurt. You have been so brave and gone through so much, that stinkin thing should give you a break. You are a strong gal and I know that you can keep up this fight. I will be praying for you and for that stinkin thing to leave.
I am so glad that you have Steve! I would say make sure he will take care of you, but from all you have said about him, I know he will!
I love you gal!
Have Faith that it will all be ok. You have a lot of people that care about you and that think about you a lot. There must be something to learn through all of this still, dang it. You have a really great attitute about it and that helps a lot. Take care of yourself!
I am barely getting on blogs because my computer is down...and I am SO sorry! What a bummer. You have such a great attitude and you are so strong. You will beat this! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Keep us all updated!
Ugh. I'm sad about that. Do you remember Cabrena's little sister, Veronica? Her little boy Keaton just had a tumor removed from his head at the beginning of May. They couldn't get it completely and he is now doing radiation and chemotherapy. He is 4. She was just here visiting and she was telling me all about it. I can't even imagine what you are going through after talking to her about what is going on with Keaton. You are in my prayers. Be well.
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