Tuesday was quite a day... for everyone. It was long, it was painful, it was exhausting, and (especially for my poor mom who is a couple thousand miles away) it was nerve wracking.
But... IT IS DONE!!!
Steve and I showed up at the James Cancer Hospital at 7:00am... bright eyed and bushy tailed. I was more than ready to get this procedure over with, and I really wasn't all that nervous or scared. Just ready! My nurse, Kathy, came out to get me at about 7:05, and we were off and running. My thoughts: "Bring it on!"
Kathy took Steve and I (thank goodness they let him come with me) back to a small exam room. She asked me a few medical questions, and then said that the next step would be starting an IV that would stay in all day. No biggie... this definitely isn't my first rodeo. Needles used to freak me out, but not anymore. So Kathy leaves for about 10 minutes and then returns with a rolling cart that looked like something straight out of an automotive garage, and began pulling out the supplies she would need. My thoughts: "So that's where they keep all that stuff... interesting."
Kathy then asked which hand I'd rather use for the IV. At that point, I had to throw up my first "weenie" flag. I asked her if there was any way she could do it in my arm or my wrist. Every time I've had an IV in my hand, it swells up and turns black. She said OK, and started checking out my right arm. Her first attempt (yep... you heard me... her *first* attempt) was in my forearm. She dug around for a couple minutes and was unable to get the IV started. Her second attempt (you're seeing a trend here aren't you?) was also in my right forearm, and this time she went straight through my vein. Burned like hell! At this point, I'm starting to sweat like a pig, and the tears are welling up. I had ahold of Steve's hand and I think he was pretty sure I was about to rip two or three of his fingers off. Kathy's third and final attempt was on the inside of my right arm. Finally.... It was done! My thoughts: "Crap... should've just let her stab my hand!"
After the IV was started and flushed, Kathy told us to relax for a bit and that she and Dr. McGregor (the Neurosurgeon who would be performing the surgery) would be back to place the head frame. So Steve whips out his book, and I just sit there and take in my surroundings. Baaaad idea, Kase! I look over and see not only the lovely titanium frame that is going to be attached to my head, but also the syringes they are going to numb my head with, as well as the screws that are going to be used. At that point, things started getting really really REAL. I looked straight at Steve and said, "I'm scared.", and the waterworks started. My thoughts: "They really should NOT leave people sitting in here with this stuff. If it were up to me... I'd have a magician come in with his cape and his wand and magically pull this crap out of his hat or something. At least make this part somewhat entertaining!"
About 25 minutes later, Kathy and Dr. M return. I've mustered up some courage and I'm ready to take on this big, bad head frame that I'd heard so much about. Everyone I'd talked to about this procedure told me that this would be the worst part. If I could make it through this... the rest was smoothe sailing. (I'd later learn that this was a complete and total crock... but we'll get to that later.) Dr. M sets me in a chair with my back to him. He places the frame over my head, and marks the spots where he wants the screws, and then wastes no time getting started with the numbing. Having the two spots in the back of my head numbed wasn't all that bad. It felt like a bee sting, and lasted for about 10 seconds. The spots on the front of my head were a totally different story. I could've swore someone had lit my hair on fire... It burned SO BAD! Then he started in with the screws. One at a time they were inserted. They did not hurt at all... but the pressure I felt was unbelievable. I told Steve that I was waiting for my skull to crack. Luckily (ha ha), that didn't happen... and it was all over and done with. My thoughts: "Too late to run now... I'd never get this damn thing off!"
Shortly after the head frame was attached, Kathy tells me that the next step is to have an MRI done. So, she gets me into a wheelchair and wheels me over into a waiting area. When we get there, she asks me a few questions, like "What's your birthday?" and "What's today's date?", etc. I COULD NOT ANSWER HER!! It was the weirdest feeling... My mind was racing, and I couldn't get it to slow down long enough to form an answer to her questions. Here came the tears again... I felt like such an idiot. At that point, she checked my blood pressure and realized that it was pretty high, so she gave me some medicine to help me relax. My thoughts: "This woman is my hero!"
This is a picture of me with my stylin' head frame... obviously well after the "relaxing" meds had kicked in (hence the glazed over eyes and goofy smile). I'll be looking for this picture in the next issue of Vogue magazine for sure!
The MRI was probably my favorite part of the day. Why??? Because I don't even really remember it. I remember the technician attaching a gigantic metal thing to the metal thing that was already attached to my head. It was so heavy, he had to help me lay down. Then... I was out... Completely and totally down for the count. They had to wake me up when it was over. It was awesome!
After the MRI, I was wheeled back to a waiting room where Steve was. They brought in a recliner and a lap top for us to use, and pretty much let us be... for about 3 hours. I really thought this would be my favorite part of the day as I was looking forward to a nice long nap. However, getting comfortable in a recliner with this piece of metal on my head was just not going to happen. If you look in the above picture... The metal bar that you see that runs around my jaw, runs all the way around the back of my head as well. There are also two more posts back there that made laying down in a recliner impossible. After about 45 minutes of shifting and flopping around, I gave up and pulled out the book of "Brain Games" I had brought with me. Steve decided this was probably a good time for him to grab some lunch and run home and walk the dogs. So I pulled up some Christmas tunes on the laptop and worked on my brain games. My thoughts: "This isn't so bad... I can totally do this!"
After what seemed like FOREVER... Kathy finally returned and told me it was time. I was SO ready to get this show on the road!! So... off we went to Radiology, where they attached a big plastic dome to the top of my head frame, and then snapped me into the Gamma Knife machine. They told me it would be 89 minutes of radiation. My thoughts: "Yay... I get another nap!"
BWAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA!! I was SO wrong it wasn't even funny.
Seriously.
The radiation treatment basically went in ten 9-minute cycles. The machine would suck me in, do it's thing for about 9 mins, and the spit me back out for about 30 seconds while the machine adjusted the direction of the radiation beams. At the end of each 9-minute cycle, an alarm would go off. Yeah... so much for that nap I was looking forward to. My thoughts: "GRRRRRRR!"
The bright side at this point was that I was able to bring some music to listen to during the radiation. I sat down the night before, picked out 18 songs, and was ready to go. When they told me how long the treatment would be, I knew my CD would be a little short, but I figured it would get me most of the way through (within about 25-30 mins).
When the radiation started, I was quite comfortable just laying there. I figured this was going to be easy as pie. However, as each cycle passed, the pressure in my head would build. By the time my CD ended, I was getting pretty darned uncomfortable. I was doing everything I possibly could to rearrange my legs, my butt, my shoulders, etc., to try to relieve some of the pain, but my head wasn't going anywhere, so nothing was helping. Kathy told me before we got started that if I needed a break at any point, to just let them know since I had a handy dandy microphone attached to my head frame. In between the 7th and 8th cycle, the pressure was so intense that I finally asked if I could have a break. Kathy replied, "You've got 17 minutes left... Do you thing you can make it?" I said I could and back into the machine I went. My thoughts: "You can do this, Kase.... You can do this."
It was the longest 17 minutes of my life.
Torture.
By the time it finally ended, I was bawling and begging them to please get the frame off my head. I couldn't take it anymore. It felt like my head was going to explode. Now... as I said earlier... Everyone told me that getting the frame on would be the worst part. I call Bull *@#%!!! Getting that thing off was so much more painful. With each screw they removed, the pressure just continued to build. I honestly thought I was going to throw up or pass out... I wasn't sure which. Kathy cleaned the holes in my head and wrapped a giant bandage snugly around my head. She kept trying to get me to eat and drink something, but I assured her that anything that went in, was most definitely going to come right back out. My thoughts: "Yeah... I don't think I can do this anymore. My white flag is up!"
Kathy wheeled me back to the waiting room where Steve was, and helped me back into the reclining chair. She assured me that if I just laid back for a little while, I would feel better. So, she reclined the chair... I laid as far back as I could... and all of the sudden I felt a gush of something running down my neck and back, and into the waistband of my pants. I said, "I think there's something running down my back!" Kathy took one look at me and immediately started grabbing towels and holding them to the back of my head. The entire back side of me was covered in blood. I probably would've been a lot more freaked out, but all the pressure that had built up in my head had finally been relieved. It felt SO good!
Finally... at a little after 5:00pm, Steve wheeled me out to the car, and we were on our wy home. I was so exhausted that I couldn't even sit upright, and my hair and clothes were crusty and gross with dried blood. I honestly could not have cared less. I had made it through... I WAS DONE!!
I had a couple of rough days at home and was pretty sore, but I feel so much better today. I finally got to take a hot shower last night (after 48 hours of crusty hair) and it was absolute heaven. I feel like a whole new woman!
I must say... I've had three of the most amazing nurses taking care of me. They've worked hard, and I appreciate every single thing they've done for me. This picture is from last night... I think I wore them out!
I also truly appreciate all the positive thoughts and prayers I've received over the past few days. I am such a lucky girl to have so many people who care about me. A sincere THANK YOU... each and every one of you!
